This is not a love story. This is a story about love.

I did seriously consider putting Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the featured image seeing as I quoted their movie but then I thought about Daenerys and Drogo and I began to weep from every orifice of my being because they were perfect and soulmates and I will never get over what happened to them.

Never.

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Love is an amazing and truly incredible thing that happens not only to your brain but also to your entire body. Initially you, singular, existed as this singular being and you were getting along just fine. You had a life plan. You were putting on make up and maybe shaving half of your legs. At least up to the knees. The point is, things were fine.

But then, the moment happens when you meet this person. And you have no idea at all the impact that they are going to have on you. Maybe they just have on some really great jeans. Maybe you get a whiff of their hair and you want to lean in creepily and smell it. Or maybe you look at them and there’s a strange little (different) voice in your head and it’s telling you that there’s just something about that person. I can tell you right now that when I swiped right on a divinely gorgeous good looking man on Tinder, I truly did not think that pretty soon I would be head over heels, kick you in the face, slap you on the neck, completely and ridiculously in love.

Suddenly you can’t stop thinking about them.

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You want them around you all the time.

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You would do anything for them.

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Your body is filled with these miraculous emotions and it’s like you’ve taken a pretty huge dose of stimulating drugs. You have a lover, partner, best friend. And it really is one of the best things to feel. But sometimes things just don’t work out or you can’t get it to work no matter how much you fiddle and try. Sometimes no matter how much you love someone, it’s just over.

That’s when some different feelings start kicking in.

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And then they kick in a little more.

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And maybe even a little bit more after that.

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Basically you’re on this new rollercoaster of emotions and you have no idea where it’s going, if it’s going to stop, will it get better and then worse or will it just feel like crap the whole time, or if you can do anything at all to end it. I think the most basic answer is no. You have no idea. No one has any idea.

I have been in love approximately twice in my life. Both times did not end with me holding a bouquet of roses nor walking down the aisle. The first time ended with a nervous breakdown and the second time I’m still stuck on the roller coaster of emotion. Sometimes I love my ex and I miss them terribly. Sometimes I hate my ex and I hope to never see them again. Sometimes I wonder if we will ever have a resolution or if we will find a way to be friends. Every single day is a different journey but time has an amazing way of making things get easier. No matter how terrible the situation, no matter how much you think you’ll never get through it, time will make you resilient, and you will always come out the other side, a little worn out but a whole lot wiser.

Now I do really hope that soon enough I can get off this crappy roller coaster and actually start feeling like my normal self again. Singular. Not dependent on a man with glorious hair and a smile that could melt all the glaciers on the planet. But for now all I can do is just stay busy, keep up with hobbies or seeing friends, and just try my best to have fun. Maybe we won’t ever fix things or maybe we really will have our perfect resolution. But I think the key to it all is to just keep going, because how else will you find out?

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Anna xxx

Just for extra lols I just had my very first experience of publishing a post, then literally somehow deleting the entire thing and freaking out about having to write it again. So note to other noobs, I keep my drafts of a blog saved on two devices at different points in the article because I just KNEW I would do this. Okay bye ❤

*The contents of the blog are not to be used in lieu of authentic mental health treatment. Please contact an emergency or medical professional if you are having dangerous or harmful thoughts.

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